Emily

Well the estate agents came with the couple to see the flat, they liked it, the lady said "it's very well taken care of" so thats nice to hear. I'll have another visit on Monday from another estate agent to do a valuation, ugh enough already, I hate moving, I hate going through all this crap I tell you. I thought when we moved here that would be it, was I wrong. There is talk of moving to Bulgaria, anyone have any thoughts about that, we talked about France or Italy but both places are too expensive, Bulgaria seems like a beautiful place to go to, we'll see huh. But soon as this is sold or rented out I'll be heading to London for a good while, thats where we'll live for probably the next 2 years, then if we move to Bulgaria and it becomes a for sure thing then thats it. I don't want to learn Bulgarian lol, I want to learn French!!

I stopped to do something else I'm in the middle of watching Vacancy seems like a good movie, but had to pause for a minute lol, its at that moment in the movie when things go all crazy and people are chasing people trying to kill them hehe. What a time to pause huh? I don't know I like to do that, makes me anxious to go back and see it hehe.

I've wanted to work on a new layout for my collective, and change the name back again lol. I had changed the site name to Adored Beauty but then found out there was already a domain name by that so I said nope can't do that, so I'm going to go back to Kiss-Me again, it's my collective domain name so I should stick to that, I've thought of getting another domain just for my collective but I'm in no position to be buying another domain unless I get it free lol. We'll see I know one of my affiliates that did that, but then you don't really have control of the domain and that would suck ass lol. Besides I don't exactly want to give up Kiss-Me.Org because I've had it for a number of years, it's gone through a few transformations and well it's known and if I got rid of it, I'd sell it to the highest bidder because I know that domain name would be worth some money. Just recently I was curious to know if anyone owned listme.com and someone does but they are selling it, so I inquired (i was curious) and they want to sell it for $20,000  can you believe that, I own List-Me.Com and well heck its been around for a good 4 years so I'm guessing that would be worth close to that too? What do you think? Anyway thats that for now. I guess I'll go back and finish that movie.

I've been so busy with making fanlistings that it's gotten to be kind of ridiculous, today I emailed tfl and told them I was not interested in one of the fanlistings i applied for, so thats one less, i'm currently working on the B.C. Comic Strip, that and a few others I grew up reading, rather funny actually. After that I have like umm 1 or 2 more, then I have another project I really want to work on, and after that another project that has been on going for a few years but needs a revamp sooooooo bad!

Today I had the TV on in the background just to kinda keep me company as I'm here alone and Alice is in London, where she works. I don't really apy attention to trhe TV unless something catches my ear. Well i was watching some movie, or something I don't remember what it was to be honest lol, but then some sports news show started from America and it just took me back in time, a hockey game is about to start, the Anaheim Ducks and the Ottawa, Canada  its game 4 of 7 for the Stanley Cup I hope Anaheim wins!!!! It was so nice to hear the National Anthem even if its 1:30 in the am lol, sooooo good, and reminds me of how much I miss America. Anyway it's stil in the background, as I'm typing this. While in America I got to go to one hockey game, and it was sooooooooo exciting, although the person I went with wasn't all into it, that kind of not makes it as fun hehehe. I do look forward to doing stuff like that again with my beautiful Alice. I miss her and love her so much.

Hmm last time I talked to her today, she was going to take a nap, must be one longgggggggggggg nap cause I never heard from her again today, well she probably needed to rest, its that time of the month for my sweety, and she has 2 days off today being the 2nd since it is after midnight now lol. I hope she enjoys it.

We talked about renting this flat out and renting a flat in London so we can be together and I said YES i am all for that. So that will be so great. Ugh I'll have to get use to another place again, but hey thats life right? Wish us luck! Gonna go work and try to finish this fanlisting, I'm more than half ways there. See ya.

I'm really excited about going back to California, I'm so eager to drive again, I don't drive here, for 2 reasons, I have no license in the UK, and I don't drive stick lol. So once I get back to California, then I'll go apply for my license since it's expired, and then I can drive again!!! I miss it soooo much you have no idea. Alice don't like driving much, so it'll be a nice change a bit change, a good change!

I feel like doing something, but at the same time I don't. I have a few fanlistings to do, it seems like I can't stop myself from making these things, when there are more important things I should be working on, whats up with that? Am I suddenly addicted or what? Probably huh, I need to stop and tend to the important things before they cause a problem for me. Well the problem would be between me and Al, lol. Oh well. I think I'll reboot this computer since it's acting so sluggish and try to see about getting a fanlisting done. Lately it's taken me longer than one day to come up with a layout, that's not good, I'm losing inspiration! LJ don't have spell check does it? I thought it did at once time. I need another icon. I just noticed the spell checker lol.

When it comes to talking to Alice, I get pissed. I have learned from experience that there are somethings I talk to her about and some that I don't, those that I don't is because she herself has stated she can careless about them. She starts to hint around the conversation like this.

"I switched off the phone and went into a cafe to have some peace"

Peace from what? Before she went into the cafe we were talking and I mentioned I wanted to make a cup of coffee, she says how odd I was just thinking that, then I tell her, I need to use the bathroom so I will call you back when I'm done, she says ok in a very hurried way and then click hangs up and I go do my thing, this was about over and hour ago, I call her back and her phone is switched off, called her like 4 times and it was switched off, so what am I suppose to think? She didn't say anything about switching it off, I take that as a personal thing, turning off the mobile is like turning me off. In other words shutting me up.

Ok well when she told me she turned if off for 'peace' i didn't want to make a big deal and say "but I said I'd call you back" so I let it go.

You know how you know people sometimes, like just the way they are talking that you can tell they are looking for an argument, well thats indeed what she did. Honestly I'm so tired of her arguing. She tells me, if you had a job we'd be talking about it right now. I said yeah we would. Make a long story short, we argued and that was that, and I just said I didn't want to be talking to her if she was going to be yelling. So I said call back when you are in a better mood.

Not too long after a I hung up maybe 15-20minutes she calls back kind of apologizing and I know her behavior is stress, it's always been stress probably will be for a while till a move is made. We had a discussion like we never had before, which I'm glad we did. Things she needed to know about me, that she never really bothered to ask before and finally did. I hope she don't use that against me, sometimes telling people things about yourself you get scared they will use it against you in a negative way. I hope she don't.

I need to go to the store but I'm feeling lazy, lol. Is it laziness or something else. I know I need somethings, but it's like 6:30pm and I should of gone earlier but didn't since I had a late night (more like late morning lol) I slept in. The weather don't look the best and I would be walking to the store and back, since Alice has the car and I can't drive legally here lol, I had been crying on the phone too so my eyes are red and they need to clear up before I leave. *sigh* ..

Next six months will be interesting, we given ourselves 6 months to make a decision on what we want to do. I know I need to go back to America, being that she wants to move there so I need to be the one to begin that process. I know I do. What am I waiting for you ask? Nothing really, just anxiety, nervousness, scared, loneliness kinda stuff I know I'll have to experience. but keep fingers crossed that when i do finally go things go fine. I miss Calif anyway, so it will be nice to be back. We'll see.

I tried adding this to my profile but it didn't work so I'll try adding it here. Well it didn't work, but yet it says that this code is for lj also. so what gives here? Ok well whatever then. Let's see a lot is up but for some reason today I just don't feel like typing anything. I'm kinda bummed out cause of my significant other. Something she's said has bothered me and it's just bothering me more because it's all I'm thinking about. *so confused*

I need a life, I don't feel I have one.

I miss my mom.

Mothers day passed, she was in my thoughts, as she usually is everyday.

I did a bad thing, I downloaded a movie =x I know I shouldn't be doing that, but I couldn't resist, anyway. The movie is called The Woods and I was watching the first half cause it comes in two parts, well the files do anyway, well when the first half finished, I was ready to watch the second half and what happens, it don't work, I think it's because the whole movie didn't download, so I had to go find the second half again and queue up so that I can finish watching it, so this is what I'm doing while I wait for my turn to get the rest of the movie.

I have a lot on my mind, I found out some information not about Al or anything like that. I don't want to really be specific because it's a very private matter, well it's been on my mind and its worrying me, and I didn't want to tell Al because I didn't want to worry her. I can't tell her, I know exactly how she'd react, first she'd worry, then she'd blame me for it. Now by saying that I'm not exactly saying I did something wrong, it's more like I let something go too long without doing it and well it may put me in a not so good situation, I know I am being vague, but it's because I have to. I am confident it will get sorted out. I need to email my brother because he's buying 2 of my computers and thats coming out to about $1,000 and I will need it to submit some forms and pay some fees. Well wish me luck that I get it all sorted. I just realized, I have no friends, oh well. Lol. I need me some friends!

That's right! I got tired of my last journal, especially after my partner found out I had it open to public. I mean what's wrong with that? I don't really put many real personal details. I guess she feels insecure because she works for the governement, I won't say which branch or anything, but she worries too much, but sometimes I just want to write, even if no one ever reads it, it's like therapy for me. So here I am creating another one, why "ohvey" lol well my partner says that a lot, and I know the times she says it's it's like "oh boy," or something to that effect, an online friend of mine says "oivey" lol, but I like the way my partner says it. Lot's of people seem to say that here, here being England. I guess you guessed it, I'm not originally from here, I'm orginally from California, yeah sure some people say "oivey" but never really "ohvey".

So yeah here is the new journal, will I ever tell anyone about it? I don't know maybe? Will I say much about me? Not right now, what does it matter anyway right? No much really. I've been doing the eljay thing for a number a years now, jumping from journal to journal. I don't know if I'll stay here long, or if I'll tell my partner about it, but for now I think this is where I'll come to, to write when I feel I need to. You are probably asking yourself, why do you need it to be public if you don't care who reads it? Well its weird, it's a subconscious thing I think. When I have a journal and it's locked so no one can ever read it, it makes me feel like I'm caged no wait not caged, but locked up in a room with no windows. Trapped I guess you can say. Does that make sense? I don't know, but that is how I feel. It's stupid and don't make sense, but I feel it does to me. So you want to read then fine, if not thats fine too.

I'm a bit of a night owl, have been for a good number of years, for a good while. I don't know why I like the late nights more than anything else. I'm a night person, and I can't help it. I feel more comfortable at night I guess I don't know, do I need help? lol. I guess for now, I'll leave it here.